The troll under my bed

So I think I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm one of "those" dog ladies, baby talking to her dogs, I can't help it, the chihuahua is too dang cute and well, let's face facts, parenthood of 2 legged critters is not in the cards (that's a bitter pill too swallow), but there it is, warts and all.  I always wondered what turned people into chattering at their animals, and now I'm one of them.  Anyway, back to the dogs.  I have a red heeler (Ruby) that thinks all dirty laundry and tennis shoes belong to her, she doesn't chew on them, she COVETS them and has a collection of them underneath my bed.  It's not unusual to walk into our bedroom and see jeans slowly being sucked underneath the bed like there's an unseen vortex under there.  Not ONLY does Ruby take all of her prized (albeit stinky laundry, err, possessions, and for note, it must be DIRTY laundry, clean doesn't cut it) possessions underneath the bed, she must protect them with all her canine might against the rest of the canines in the house.  And so, if another canine approaches the bedroom, you can usually here a growling from underneath the bed and occassionally she will dart out at the offender with the slyness of an eel. Yes, I have my own little troll underneath the bed, she has all the other canines believing her too,  I have to carry or escort the rest of them to our bedroom at night, they are too afraid of our local troll.